I know with my entire being, that I need to be closer to God. He has done so much for me, and I feel that I put such little effort in to express my bountiful gratitude to Him. I don't think praying is enough.
Through this difficult time in my life, I need Him more than ever. I know that I could never do any of the things that I'm doing without His help and guidance.
I realize now, that if I cannot find the time to read scriptures or pray, then I am too busy. Which seems to have been the case lately. I need to put Heavenly Father first. As my first priority. Above anything else. Before myself.
Recently, I haven't felt like a good sister. I've been mean. I've been impatient. Irritable. I have yelled at my siblings. Gotten angry with them.
And I regret it..... Immensely.
I put aside playing with my brothers and sisters because I thought texting was more important. I've pondered this day after day. "Why? Why do I even do this? That single text will always be there. It's the text that can wait. Not my siblings".
I was spending too much time on the computer and not enough time with them. Caring about trivial things that will NEVER matter.
They don't deserve this. They don't deserve to be treated the way I have treated them. I know that everyone in our home is under a lot of stress. In our particular circumstance, it's hard to keep my temper.
But also, in a way, this situation has brought us closer together as a family. And I feel that it has brought me closer to God.
I know with all my heart, that He will help me through this tough time in my life. No matter how hard it feels right now. I know He is there. He is watching over us. He wouldn't make me go through with this if He thought I couldn't handle it. God knows what I am capable of. What we're all capable of.
I pray that He will bless me with patience, kindness and an increased faith. I pray that soon everything will be the way it was. That everything will soon be better. And I will come away from this as a stronger and wiser person.
It's difficult to put all of my feelings into words, but I am trying hard. Trying hard for Him.
I have said I'm sorry. And He forgave me.
I will change my heart.